


It’s about who you’re with at the end of the day

by insteadofjust_invisible



Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: 4+1, 5 Things, Canonical Character Death, Christmas, Coming Out, Family, Found Family, Friendship, Gen, anxiety/panic attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-14
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2021-03-09 17:47:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27550255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/insteadofjust_invisible/pseuds/insteadofjust_invisible
Summary: 4 times Reggie chose his family + 1 time he is chosen to be part of someone’s family aka snippets of moments Reggie shared with the people he chose to call family + a snippet of the time someone else calls him family.“The tree was beautiful, all the ornaments in red and gold, the family ones Carlos had made shining in the center as they reflected the lights. It looked a little crowded with the three extras for the guys, but, in family, there is always space for one more.”
Relationships: Alex & Reggie (Julie and The Phantoms), Bobby | Trevor Wilson & Reggie, Carlos Molina & Reggie (Julie and The Phantoms), Julie Molina & Reggie, Luke Patterson & Reggie (Julie and The Phantoms)
Comments: 13
Kudos: 163
Collections: JATP Appreciation Week





	It’s about who you’re with at the end of the day

**Author's Note:**

> Hi hi! This was written for Day 5 - write a fic focused on friendship/found family - of [JATP Week](https://jatp-week.tumblr.com/) on tumblr (which was last week, I'm aware. The first part of this fic was posten then, in my defense). There is an anxiety attack in part 3 and references to canonical character deaths, especially in part 4, so let this be your warning. Nothing too explicit or too angst though (I think - about the angst. Definitely no explicit description of the anxiety attack). 
> 
> Title from the gift that was Home Is Where My Horse Is by Jeremy Shada.
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

_ 1. _

Reggie grew up on a farm. He was born and raised in a teeny tiny town in the middle of nowhere, amidst open green fields and blue skies, pigs, horses, cows and all the animals from Old MacDonald Had a Farm. He learned how to play the banjo from his grandpa on the porch that wrapped around their old house, learned how to swim on the shallow pond in their backwoods, learned how to make the best cornbread you would ever eat from his grandma in their pink kitchen.

He loved the farm.

Then, with little to no explanation - something along the lines of his grandparents being too old to look after him, but that was bullshit, they were fine. He was fine -, his parents showed up on the farm to bring him back to the city with them. No warnings, no questioning whether Reggie wanted to go live with them, no 

Reggie hated the city.

It was loud and smelly and crowded and he couldn’t have his horse with him. He missed the open green fields and the blue skies and the smell of the earth after rain. More than anything else, however, he missed the quiet.

Not only was it always loud outside in the streets, it was always loud inside his house too. It was no secret his parents worked a lot - that was the whole reason why his grandparents had raised up until then. His mom worked three jobs and Reggie would only ever see her every other day. His dad worked just the one, but it was a grinding, tiring job that took his toll on him. He would always spend the nights drinking his sorrows away. Whenever they both coincided to be home at the same time, they would fight: ‘have you paid the electricity bill, Richard?’, ‘why is there no dinner, Marissa?’, ‘I’m worried Reggie is spending too much time by himself, Richard,’ ‘Marissa, the house is filthy, you need to clean it,’ and so on and on and on. Every day it was a new problem, a new complaint, and Reggie was tired - his parents had been so adamant about him coming to live with them, but most of the time it was like he wasn’t even there, like he was a ghost just floating around the house, causing things to happen from a distance, but never to be dealt with directly. So Reggie did the best thing he could think of: he embraced it. He truly became a ghost around his own house, cleaning it top to toe, learning how to cook so there was dinner on the fridge, and he started to keep himself company… found friends to keep him company.

To call family.

The first friend - brother - he found was Bobby. Bobby lived a few houses down the street and took the same bus to school as him. He was a year older, always wore a black leather jacket, and looked so cool with said jacket and his shades as they waited for the bus in the mornings. Reggie was not the only one to think so - all the girls from their stop were always staring and giggling at him.

Reggie craved that kind of attention (any kind of attention, really, but he was 14 in a new city with no friends and pretty much no parents, and all the boys in school, the boys Bobby hung around with, were constantly going on and on about girls this, girls that, so that must be worth something, right?). The answer to all his problems then? Be like Bobby. 

So he did. He begged his parents for a leather jacket, which he was pretty sure he got just so he would shut up, searched his dad’s closet for a pair of sunglasses like the other boy wore, and started to listen to the punk rock music he knew Bobby liked. It worked. Every morning, waiting for the bus, the girls would stare and giggle at him too, one of them going as far as giving him a small folded paper with her number scribbled in, along with a kiss on the cheek, right before they hopped on to the bus. He fully expected Bobby to be annoyed by him, for stealing his thunder or whatever, but to his surprise, a few weeks into this new Reggie he was trying on, the other boy simply blinked at him and motioned to his tape recorder, asking what he was listening to.

“Oh. Red Hot Chilli Peppers.”

“Cool, I like them too,” he mentioned, nonchalantly. Reggie knew right then and there that Bobby knew what he was doing and he. did. not. care! He seemed to like it even?

Reggie got his first friend in LA that day. Bobby opened more doors to Reggie than he had expected, including two of the most important doors to ever be opened in his life: family and music. How did he do so? By letting him borrow an old bass his older brother used to play and, with it, telling him a secret he would never forget.

“The secret is to own the loudness.”

The riff of a bass sounded louder than anything else in the city.

_ 2. _

It was Bobby who introduced Luke to Reggie. One day he simply told Reggie to meet him at an address he had scribbled down on his math notebook, saying he had a surprise for him and that Reggie would totally dig it.

So Reggie went. The address in question was a one-story house with a brick front about 15 minutes biking from his place. As he approached the house, the tell-tale sound of a guitar became noticeably louder, to the point Reggie seriously doubted anyone would hear him knocking on the door. He was right. He spent the next few minutes debating what he should do next, not waiting to bail on Bobby and really digging the music playing from the inside, but unsure if he should just walk into someone else’s home... He went in.

Yes, he knew that wasn’t exactly proper manners or whatever, but back at his grandparents they would do that all the time, go around their neighbors’ farm to try and find them, just invite themselves into houses with open doors (that was another thing he didn’t like about the city - all the proper manners his grandma had grilled into him growing up weren’t considered as polite, sometimes downright rude here in the city. How is one supposed to know?).

Inside, Reggie was immediately greeted by the sight of Bobby and another boy he assumed was Luke, with shaggy brown hair, wearing a bright blue hoodie and playing the electric guitar. Both smiled at him, Luke motioning with his head to the couch pushed to the corner of the room, which Reggie took as an invitation to sit down and wait.

It didn’t take long. The second they stopped playing, Luke turned his guitar around so it rested against his back and made his way towards Reggie, offering a fist bump in greeting when he got close enough.

“Hey, I’m Luke! Bobby said you played?”

“I- well, sorta? I started learning the bass recently.”

“Sick! I play the electric and the acoustic. Are you good?”

“I don’t know…” he started, hands coming up to scratch at the back of his neck. Luke seemed so excited about the fact that Reggie played, like that was the most important thing there was to know about him, that he was almost fearful of what the boy would do if he said he wasn’t, really, he had just started to play, but he could become good at it so fast, he swore!

“He is,” Bobby granted from where he stood, aimless playing with the chords of his guitar, “he’s picking it up fast.”

“Cool, maybe you can bring your bass with you next time so you can jam with us!” Luke smiled as he invited him into whatever these seemingly recurrent jam sessions were. Bobby was smiling too and soon Reggie felt the corners of his mouth pull up.

“Yeah, I’d like that.”

Reggie more than liked it.

_ 3. _

As promised, Luke introduced Reggie to Alex, merely a few days after he had met Luke himself (which was just a few weeks after he had become friends with Bobby, making this entire chain of newly formed friendships a bit overwhelming, but that was fine. He was fine). He and Alex had known each other since they were kids, their mothers knowing each other from church, and there was an easiness, a camaraderie about their friendship that Reggie envied. 

While he quickly took a liking to Luke, it took time for Reggie to get used to Alex. He was funny, like Luke had said, but the kind of funny that Reggie had trouble with - he never knew if he was joking or not. 

That didn’t matter much, not in the beginning at least. As promised, Alex was one hell of a drummer, and soon enough the four of them were rehearsing like they were a band, playing different covers and even trying their hand at an original Luke had written. Luke, who claimed that they were going to be legends.

They were good, in fact, but they were still a newly formed band composed of three 14-year-olds and one 15-year-old who had never played together before and that weren’t properly friends to begin with. 

Bonding with Bobby had been easy. Reggie, the new Reggie, lived in the same street as he did, wore the same style, listened to the same songs, and put on the same casual, couldn’t care less attitude. They had similar problems at home and dealt with them in a similar manner - by making everything else louder than said problems. It took him no time to consider Bobby his brother.

Luke, well, Reggie thought it was almost impossible not to like Luke. The guy was so charismatic and energetic that he did all the work himself. With him, Reggie didn’t have to think of what to say, when to say it… It just was. They bonded over music, math, meatloaf and many other favorites they had in common. Likewise, it took him no time to consider Luke his brother.

Now Alex, he was just a big question mark in Reggie’s head. He did not go to their school, attending the private Christian school nearby instead, he went to church every Sunday morning with his picture perfect family, he played with the church youth band and their baseball team, he always brought muffins and brownies and cookies his mom had baked to band practice as a snack… all things Reggie could not relate to at any level.

There was music though. Music connected them all, not just Bobby or Luke. But Reggie remembered the day when, suddenly, there was more than music between Alex and him.

It was winter, about six months after they had first met, right about when Bobby had found them the old garage so they wouldn’t have to deal with Mrs. Patterson’s complaints or cooing over them whenever they practiced in her living room. Reggie was hanging out there by himself, waiting for practice, mindless playing around with the banjo when the loud bang of the garage doors’ forcefully opening and closing took him out of his reverie. He jumped into a sitting position from where he was half slouched against the wall, knocking over a bunch of writing notebooks that had been stacked next to him, but whoever had come in seemed oblivious to all the noise in the loft, despite the otherwise absolute silence in the garage, until-

The scream that Alex let out was so full of rage and anger and desolation, so unlike Alex, that Reggie couldn’t help but recoil into himself. Should he announce his presence, should he just hide in the loft until… Until when? They were supposed to have band practice in less than an hour and there was no way he could make it seem he had walked in through the doors just then.

Just as suddenly as Alex appearing before practice time and his scream, the sobs started. Reggie was taken aback, more than he already was, no clue of what he was supposed to do. Old Reggie would probably go ask if everything was alright, despite him and Alex not being close, but new Reggie… Well, Bobby would probably do the same, right? Just because he was cool it didn’t mean he was heartless. In fact, quite the opposite. And if Luke was any indication, the guy was as touchy as a gold retriever, which Alex had never seemed to mind. Taking a deep breath, Reggie forced himself up and down the stars, coming face to face with a disveleashed Alex, careless sitting on the floor with his knees up, arms hanging lifess by his sides, hands clenched in fists.

“Hey Alex,” he started, forcing a smile on his face, “is- are you alright?”

“Y-y-yeah,” Alex responded, voice cracking in between sobs. Reggie sat down on the couch as he waited, hoping the other boy would open up without prodding, “...no. I’m tired, Reggie.”

That was not what he was expecting, but then again, was he expecting anything? The longer Reggie took, the more frantic Alex’s sobs became, to the point he wasn’t sure Alex was properly breathing anymore. Maybe he should just play along?

“That’s ok, buddy. You can go home and rest and we will reschedule practice-

“No!!!” Alex exclaimed, his voice loud but high, his breath ragged and uneven, “that’s not-... I-... that’s not, I’m tired, Reggie. I’m tired and I’m sick of pretending and existing in this goddamn world and I just want it to stop-

“Hey, hey, hey, take a breath with me, Alex,” Reggie pleaded, the light finally clicking that Alex was having a panic attack, so he slowly inhaled and exhaled, signaling for the other boy to mimic him. That’s how his grandma used to do, right? Whenever the storms got too loud, whenever the dogs barked too much, whenever his grandpa had to come too close to the house with his old tractor, Reggie couldn’t remember when or how it started, but loud noises had always bothered him, “in… and… out… in… and… out… Good?”

Alex nodded, one hand coming up to pull at his hoodie neckline as he tried to copy Reggie. After a minute or two of timed inhales and exhales, he finally calmed down, his breath coming out more controlled, the tears now silently streaming down his face. He propped himself up on the couch next to Reggie then, hands immediately coming up to cover his face.

“I’m sorry,” he said into his hands, words muffled and low, “I didn’t expect anyone to be here.”

“I’m glad I was. I know… I know we are not close, but do you want to talk?”

Alex didn’t talk for a while, neither did he move from his position on the couch. For the second time in the afternoon, Reggie waited, letting his friend organize his thoughts. He did move a hand to his back though, gently caressing small circles there. Finally, Alex moved his hands from his face, looking Reggie straight in the eyes.

“How did you know to do that? Did Luke tell you about my panic attacks?”

“Uh, no. No,” Reggie replied, quick to absolve Luke, “I, uh, have them sometimes too? I don’t deal well with loud noises.”

The expression that took hold of Alex’s face made the confession worth it, a look of confusion and disbelief as he asked, “we’re in a rock band?”

“Yeah, I know.”

“Okay...” Alex still sounded confused, but he let it slide. At least he wasn’t focusing on the aftermath of the panic attack anymore, Reggie figured. As silence fell upon them, he was reminded of what the other boy had said right before he started hyperventilating, which caused his hand to stop mid-movement from where it was still drawing circles on his back.

“Can I ask you about what you were saying?” Reggie tentatively asked, bringing one leg up to fully turn toward his friend, who immediately tensed up, straightening his back and causing Reggie’s hand to fall. He brought it back to his lap, taking his other hand in it.

“You don’t have to worry, I don’t really mean any of that, it’s just… I had youth group today, right?” Reggie nodded, unsure of where this was going. He thought Alex enjoyed youth group - it was another opportunity for him to play music, he always talked about the all the snacks the moms would make, the fun games they would play, “well, some girls were gossiping about this guy that goes to the our church in North LA and... apparently he is gay? It seems he came out and now there is this major discussion going on about whether he should still be allowed to go to service and to our events and this is all so stupid, don’t you think? Everyone has always loved him, praised him so much, and now just because he is gay he’s the worst person to have walked on earth.”

“Ok… You don’t agree with what people are saying?”

“I-...” Alex started, voice breaking. He shut his eyes close, taking a deep breath in before opening them again and glancing at Reggie, “I’m gay, Reggie.”

Oh. Old Reggie or new Reggie, he did not know how one was supposed to react to your bandmate coming out.

“Oh. Ok. Cool, buddy?”

“Are you asking me?” Alex exclaimed, astonished.

“I don’t know? No? I- Your parents and the church don’t know?”

“Of course not! I like the church, Reggie. I like the feeling of community, I like helping others, I like the stories that the Bible tells. But how can I like them when they don’t like me?”

“They do like you, Alex.”

“But look at what’s going on with Joshua!”

Alex’s voice was starting to sound higher, angrier, so Reggie decided for a different approach. He might have not been close to Alex, but that was probably not the case anymore and, well, just because they weren’t close, that didn’t mean what he was about to say wasn’t true.

“I hear you. I wish I could tell you everything is going to be ok with your parents and church and I really wish, I hope it will. What I can tell you though is that we are your family too, me, Luke, Bobby, we love you, Alex. No matter what.”

“I love you guys too,” Alex replied, throwing himself against the couch’s back. That seemed to have helped, as he didn’t sound as angry anymore, which was good. Reggie watched as he breathed in and out, clearly trying to calm down, despite the fact his fingers had started to drum a beat on his tights, “I just…”

“I understand,” Reggie said, trying to tell everything he thought of his parents, his home into his words, “are you going to tell Luke and Bobby?”

“Yeah. Not today, though.”

“That’s fine. You know Luke will fight anyone who says anything to you, right?”

“Yeah,” was the reply, followed by a content smile, “yeah, I do.”

“And me too. Just to make it clear.”

Alex laughed, for the first time that afternoon, and Reggie finally relaxed himself, leaning against the back of the couch as he moved the conversation into music territory. Reggie would go to hell and back for any of his bandmates, his friends, his brothers (little did he know he all but would, depending on what you considered to be hell. The HGC definitely fit the category to him).

_4._

Reggie took the advice Bobby had given him oh so many years ago to heart. ‘Own the loudness’, his friend had said, and so he did. He put everything he had into his music, he carved his own space and his own loudness. When he was playing the bass, when he was listening to music, when he was creating country melodies in his head, he knew the music was loud and obtrusive and strident, but all Reggie felt was the same calmness he used to only be able to feel at his grandparents’ farm.

He knew his friends - family - thought the same. Alex had taken on drumming to ease his anxiety, Luke, for Luke music was everything he could dream of and more, and for Julie, music was healing, it was power and magic and an undeniable connection to her mom. He just tended to forget sometimes that music had hurt her just as much as it had healed (and he absolutely refused to connect his own death to music, it was fine. He was fine).

Which was why he was so confused when the girl didn’t show up to practice after school one day. Whenever Julie had too much homework or any after school obligations, she would pop in to let them know, yet she hadn’t that day. In retrospect, she might have, considering neither Alex nor Luke were at the garage either, but Alex was hanging out with Willie and Luke had gone to visit his parents that morning, meaning both of them could very well just be late. Julie too, really, but there was no harm in checking her room, right?

That’s how Reggie found himself sitting next to the curly haired girl on her bed, holding her hand as he waited for her to say anything. He had found Julie wrapped up in a little cocoon of her blankets, sitting idly in the middle of her bed, hands clenching her favorite picture of Rose and her. The second he had poofed in, she opened her arms, no arguments about boundaries and privacy, simply asking for a hug, which Reggie was more than glad to give.

“It’s just… missing her is so loud, you know? Some days it’s the only thing I can hear in my brain,” Julie said, eyes shining with unshed tears. Her voice was small, unlike Reggie had ever heard.

“Louder than music?”

“Yeah,” she mused, looking at him curiously, “louder than music.”

“I’m sorry, Jules,” Reggie said, pouring everything he was feeling into his words.

Julie hummed, her head coming to rest against his shoulder as she snuggled in closer, one arm curling around his own, “not your fault.”

Silence followed, each lost in their own thoughts. Reggie thought about saying something, cheering her up, but sometimes the best comfort is found just in being there for the other. As it was, he lost track of how long they stayed there, him holding Julie, until she broke the silence in a way that surprised him.

“Sometimes I wish I could be like you. Able to associate music just to the good things in my life.”

Reggie had never thought of it that way. 

“Music gave me my family,” he explained. They were pretty much synonyms to him, with one came the other, regardless of what else either might’ve brought with it.

“Yeah,” she easily agreed, taking a moment before tentatively continuing, “can I ask about your parents? You and Alex never talk about them.”

“No, it is fine,” he offered, taking a moment himself to think how to explain his childhood, “my parents weren’t bad people, but they were bad parents, I guess.”

Julie squeezed his arm, even though he was sure she knew that part already, had inferred it from bits and pieces of conversations between the guys and from how easily he had taken on to Ray. He continued.

“I’m from Montana. I grew up on a big farm with my grandparents until mom and dad came and decided I needed to live with them in the city. In the beginning I didn’t fit in at all and things at home… Home wasn’t home?” Julie squeezed his arm again as he exhaled, skipping straight to what mattered - his real family, his real home, “anyways, Bobby and I lived on the same street back then and to me he was just so cool, you know? We became friends. He actually gave me my first bass, an old one his brother left behind when he moved out. Told me a secret that helps me to this day. Then he introduced me to Luke, who introduced me to Alex-”

“Sunset Curve was born...”

“And Sunset Curve was born. Maybe I should change my last name to Curve, whatcha think? Reggie Curve.”

Julie laughed at that, easy and bright. As her laughter died out, they basked in silence again.

“And what was the secret?”

“Uh?”

“Bobby’s secret.”

“Oh, that the secret is to own the loudness.”

Julie finally raised her head, staring at Reggie with unervering eyes. He smiled at her, hoping it offered her the comfort and advice she needed. Julie moved from the bed, reaching a hand out to Reggie as she did so. She wanted to practice that afternoon after all.

_ +1 _

By the time he had settled into the whole being an actual, (un)living ghost thing, Reggie had chosen more people for his family than he ever expected to be able to - Bobby (albeit he had lost Bobby, he still counted, for more reasons than not), Luke, Alex, Julie. He was good for, really, but then…

Then he got chosen to be a part of someone’s family. Of Julie’s family. 

Reggie had not expected that. Everyone knew how much he loved to spend time with Ray and Carlos, but it all was pretty much one-sided, him spending time with Ray, holding the conversation on his own for obvious reasons, Julie’s dad knowing of him, but not knowing him. With Carlos, while the little guy knew more about him, it was mostly about the silent companion, watching cartoons together on Saturday morning, cheering him on at his baseball games.

It was Christmas time and Julie and Carlos were putting up their tree. It was a Molina’s tradition that the kids took care of the tree, from deciding on the ornaments to putting them on. Reggie had asked if he could help, not having anything else to do while Alex hung out with Willie and Luke was visiting his parents. Julie easily agreed, as excited as Reggie about it, actually, but he thought it was the holidays spirits speaking.

Christmas music was playing, there were cookies on the oven for when they finished the tree, everyone was wearing tacky sweaters and fluffy socks. The scene reminded Reggie of his childhood at the farm, where his grandpa would go find them a fresh tree every year, his grandma would bake more sweets than she did during the rest of the year combined, where the snow would always make the farm look ethereal. Granted, there was no snow in LA and the Molinas used a fake tree from the box, but the feeling was just the same, just as heartwarming and cheerful. Reggie had missed it.

They had just finished wrapping the lights around the tree and placing the little cone pines and doves on the branches when Julie asked if he could grab her the box she had forgotten on the dining room table. Reggie went, humming Baby It’s Cold Outside under his breath. The moment he got to the other room, his humming stopped, causing Julie to ask him if everything was alright, had he found the box?

“Julie,” Reggie started, the words failing him as he stared at the top ornament in the box. It was a round glass ornament, filled with fake snow and with a picture of Reggie hanging inside, colorful block letters spelling his name underneath. He quickly made his way back to the living room, finding Julie and Carlos halfway through the other ornament’s box. Reggie stared after them, dumbfounded, and when Julie turned around, she chuckled, glancing between him and the box.

“You like it?”

“Yeah,” he said, finally placing the box he was holding down next to the tree, “I love it.”

“Carlos made it. It was his art project for school. There is one for each one of us in the family.”

“Oh,” Reggie eyes widened at that, his hands gingerly picking up the ornament. Julie observed him, a small smile gracing her lips. He turned towards Carlos, lightning up at the boy currently singing Mariah Carey offbeat, oblivious to the fact both him and his sister had stopped decorating, “tell him I said thanks. It means a lot.”

Julie smiled at him, passing on the message to Carlos, who beamed at him (or to his general direction. The intention that mattered.) Reggie took the ornament in his hands and placed it on the tree, smiling as he took a step back to observe. Julie had also placed her’s, her dad’s, and Carlos’ ornaments.

“Do you wanna do the boys or should I?” she asked, holding both ornaments in her hands. Reggie took Alex’s, leaving her with Luke’s, and carefully placed them in the tree.

“Now we are just missing the angel,” Carlos mentioned, moving to grab it from the lone remaining box on the coffee table. The top angel is their most treasured ornament, having been made by Rose herself when she and Ray got married. Taking it out of the box and the bubble wrap, Carlos passed it to Julie, who in turn passed it to Reggie, giving him the honors to put it on top (it was not because she couldn’t reach it, no matter how much everyone poked fun at her about it later on. Not at all.) The moment it was placed on the tree, looking over the living room like they all knew Rose was herself, the three siblings stood side to side to observe their work. The tree was beautiful, all the ornaments in red and gold, the family ones Carlos had made shining in the center as they reflected the lights. It looked a little crowded with the three extras for the guys, but, in family, there is always space for one more.

If Reggie’s eyes glimmered, no one was the wiser. He was fine, he really was fine. He had a family to call his own and that would call him their own back.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Don't be shy and let's talk, just leave a comment or come say hi on [my tumblr!](https://aspeckof-stardust.tumblr.com/)


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